Living a life of comfort and low stress

Why black women are deciding to take their capes off in favor of a softer life

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Black Women and Their Role in Society

“When I think of change, revolution, and ingenuity I instantly think of a black woman. We have always been and continue to be the blueprint.”

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Like most people, I made discoveries during quarantine one of which led to my autism and ADHD diagnosis. I found myself in need of answers. One of the biggest questions was how did I go 38 years undiagnosed. After a large amount of extensive research, I soon realized why I was exhausted all the time, and how I managed to get myself into situations that constantly left me drained and unfulfilled. I learned that I needed to be more aware of my energy and take time to truly check in with myself. I was determined to live a life of ease. I refuse to believe that I was birthed into this world to fight and struggle. I felt like all I did was swim upstream. I asked myself how did I get here, and ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I asked for the help I needed. My cries for help went unheard. I was encouraged to try harder. My experiences were minimized, and I found myself feeling as if I was complaining when I had legitimate concerns and legitimate needs that were not being met. Looking back, I wondered if my invisibility in society was due to me being a black woman. I found myself on a mission to create a life of ease. A life where I could thrive instead of finding myself in a constant battle with society. I came across the term "soft life" and instantly became obsessed. Black women have the option to take their capes off? We don't have to be strong? Sign me up!

Historically, black women have shown up and been down for the cause. We have taken countless situations into our own hands and led revolutions. When I think of change, revolution, and ingenuity I instantly think of a black woman. We have always been and continue to be the blueprint. There have been several influential black women who have initiated change throughout history. For context, here are a few examples:

• Sojourner Truth (1797-1883): an abolitionist, women's rights activist, and preacher who is best known for her powerful speech, "Ain't I a Woman?".

• Mary McLeod Bethune (1875-1955): an educator, civil rights leader, and government adviser who was the founder of Bethune-Cookman College.

• Rosa Parks (1913-2005): a civil rights activist, seamstress, and secretary who is best known for her refusal to give up her bus seat, which helped spark the civil rights movement.

• Shirley Chisholm (1924-2005): an educator, politician, and the first African American woman to be elected to the United States Congress.

• Fannie Lou Hamer (1917-1977): a civil rights activist, voting rights advocate, and sharecropper who was instrumental in the Freedom Summer of 1964.

• Audre Lorde (1934-1992): a poet, writer, and activist who was a leader in the feminist and civil rights movements.

• Angela Davis (1944-present): an activist, scholar, and professor who has been a leader in civil rights and social justice movements for over five decades.

• Michelle Obama (1964-present): a lawyer, writer, and former First Lady of the United States who has been an advocate for education, health, and gender equality.

I can easily add my mother, my aunts, and my grandmothers to this list. If I am being honest, I am grateful for all the sacrifices they made, but I always wanted better for myself. Black women are expected to be superheroes, taking on the world and all of its challenges with strength, courage, and perseverance. Unfortunately, this can lead to burnout and exhaustion, and many black women are now choosing to take a step back and focus on living a life of comfort and low stress. I confidently speak for all black women when I say we are tired. We are tired of being under-represented everywhere we go. We are tired of constantly having to codes switch and constantly being misunderstood. Most of us don’t have the luxury of taking a break from our careers to focus on our mental health and well-being or remove ourselves from environments that prove to be harmful. Lord forbid you to have the audacity to advocate for yourself.

The strong black woman trope

The strong black woman trope is a popular cultural concept that portrays black women as resilient, powerful, and unbreakable. This trope has become an important part of black culture and is often celebrated for its representation of black female strength and resilience. However, this trope can also be criticized for perpetuating unrealistic expectations of black women and for idealizing a burdensome burden of strength. A black woman’s experience in society is riddled with racism, sexism, and colorism. The constant battle to work against society. The blatant microaggressions. Carefully craft and cultivate responses to not appear to be angry because everything we say is painfully scrutinized, and I am exhausted. Even in situations where we are not being scrutinized, the trauma of past experiences robs us of the joy of just exiting. I wake up every day having to acknowledge that I am a black woman and that comes with a certain level of consequence. I struggle with accepting help when it’s offered to me because I feel guilty. I confidently proclaim I can do it myself even though my soul is crying out for help. I know what you're thinking. This is common in all women, and sure that may be true, but black women have never been allowed to be the damsel in distress.

Black Women Are Entering Their Soft Era

“My beautiful black woman the world doesn’t deserve to inhale the air you exhale. As you navigate this new journey to a new, healthy, and relaxed you, don’t forget that you deserve a life of ease that you are working so hard to create.”

Congratulations to you have entered your soft era! You’ve taken your cape off! Now what? I never realized how much showing up as a strong black woman has influenced my every move. I never learned that it was okay to need help. I’ve had little opportunity to be safe in my vulnerability. So finding the strength to allow me to be vulnerable and explore what it means to be soft has been challenging and awkward, but it has been a journey that I wouldn’t trade for the world. This is a time to celebrate and embrace the beauty of being a black woman. This is a time to lift each other, build community, and share our stories as we navigate what it means to be a human being. We can be resilient, strong, and powerful, and it is important to remember that our softness is just as important in making us who we are as our strength. So beautiful black woman it’s okay to take a day off from being a superhero. You're not letting anyone down. You’re not required to be the strong one all the time. Many will try to duplicate but will never succeed. My beautiful black woman, the world doesn’t deserve to inhale the air you exhale. As you navigate this new journey to a new, healthy, and relaxed you, don’t forget that you deserve the life of ease that you are working so hard to create. #selfcare #selflove #blackwomenselfcare

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